Choosing Red

                               

                           CHOOSING

     I'm choosing to write this now even though a lost part of me doesn't want to    a heavy part of me is tired and discouraged and doesn't see the point of trying to quarry inadequate words to express unpalatable feelings    a defeated part of me just wants to turn away    lie back down on the bed    and stare at the ceiling    instead I'm sitting here hunched over the keyboard    reporting for duty once more

     committing to a choice means walking alone into the desert carrying little water and no map    it's not meant to be safe or comfortable -- not if it's about important things    the thirsting body must soldier on nevertheless    the needing heart must still endure its neediness    I don't even know where I'm going    but I'll recognize my destination when I get there

     no definition of being human makes any sense if it excludes responsibility for choosing    choosing with total consciousness    even choosing at times against the fierce headwind of my own resistance    the brute negation of the world's    by writing this I choose to keep exploring    I grope toward a Reality beaconing beyond what's human    but only by plumbing the depths of my humanness will I find it

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                              RED

     like these sliced strawberries on my cereal    or the agitated flag that enrages a bull    whatever it's up to    this color's flagrant -- shameless!    unless it's mixed thoroughly with the browns and grays of earth    otherwise this color says  "stop!"  "pay attention!"  "danger!"  "be careful!"   but not always    sometimes it just means that Love's thrown on her most extravagant finery    she's itching to step out and strut her stuff!

     there's no way to forget this is also the color of blood    nifty to imagine -- coursing out of sight through veins and arteries    but then there's blood which should stay inside but insists on bursting outside    there's all the bloodshed from all the atrocities committed in a cruel and barbarous age    that red's so numbingly pervasive it's nearly invisible    except to those who've already been wounded awake

     my favorite character from the whole world of red sports wings    he perches on a high branch and lets loose a cascade of piercing notes -- downright ear-catching in their outrageous crimson!    no wonder we call the most saliant issue "the cardinal point"    I think this messenger's sent to remind me:    every color is grace made visible    a sacrament refracted by the prism of my soul

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