Wednesday, July 18, 2012
I'm choosing to write this now even though a lost part of me doesn't want to a heavy part of me is tired and discouraged and doesn't see the point of trying to quarry inadequate words to express unpalatable feelings a defeated part of me just wants to turn away lie back down on the bed and stare at the ceiling instead I'm sitting here hunched over the keyboard reporting for duty once more
committing to a choice means walking alone into the desert carrying little water and no map it's not meant to be safe or comfortable -- not if it's about important things the thirsting body must soldier on nevertheless the needing heart must still endure its neediness I don't even know where I'm going but I'll recognize my destination when I get there
no definition of being human makes any sense if it excludes responsibility for choosing choosing with total consciousness even choosing at times against the fierce headwind of my own resistance the brute negation of the world's by writing this I choose to keep exploring I grope toward a Reality beaconing beyond what's human but only by plumbing the depths of my humanness will I find it
like these sliced strawberries on my cereal or the agitated flag that enrages a bull whatever it's up to this color's flagrant -- shameless! unless it's mixed thoroughly with the browns and grays of earth otherwise this color says "stop!" "pay attention!" "danger!" "be careful!" but not always sometimes it just means that Love's thrown on her most extravagant finery she's itching to step out and strut her stuff!
there's no way to forget this is also the color of blood nifty to imagine -- coursing out of sight through veins and arteries but then there's blood which should stay inside but insists on bursting outside there's all the bloodshed from all the atrocities committed in a cruel and barbarous age that red's so numbingly pervasive it's nearly invisible except to those who've already been wounded awake
my favorite character from the whole world of red sports wings he perches on a high branch and lets loose a cascade of piercing notes -- downright ear-catching in their outrageous crimson! no wonder we call the most saliant issue "the cardinal point" I think this messenger's sent to remind me: every color is grace made visible a sacrament refracted by the prism of my soul